Pondering Thoughts

I'm really feeling as if I'm missing something in my life right now. I'm always so busy with my boys that I'm missing my walk with God. I spend little time with him these days and even my prayer life is beginning to dwindle. I know that I need to make the time to sit down and read the bible and to journal more but time gets away from me and by the end of the day all I want to do is sleep. I think I need to find a devotional that will help me get back on track something that will inspire me to come back to it each day and fill me with the encouragement that I need to get through the day.

I've become very complacent with my health these days too. I had been trying to diet and exercise but I keep coming up against obstacles that are making me think "what's the point". My RA got bad and made it difficult to do most anything, that started getting better and I tore a muscle in my calf that leaves me unable to exercise for 6-8 weeks. I finally get the gumption to start something new and feel good about myself and life throws a wrench in the wheel to destroy my ability to continue.

I know that it is my own lack of self confidence and will power to be able to do this and that is why I think I need to work on my spiritual life. Get back to the basics and that is what I need to do get my life back to where it needs to be, but how do I get there, where do I begin and how do I start.

Out of control child

My oldest son is driving me over the edge today. First off this morning he decided to try in Pee in his pull-up when it was off of him and ended up peeing on the carpet. He is 5 years old, he knows better than that and it was not the way to start off our day. Then after I get back from an appointment I walk in to find him throwing a fit because Grandpa had told him he couldn't do something. I warn him to calm down or he will have to go to his room after the warning he still continued so I sent him to his room. Grandpa had to carry him up to his room and then Clayton proceeded to kick and hit the door and scream at the top of his lungs. So if followed up there and gave him an attitude adjustment across his butt and told him he had to stay in his room for an hour. After that I gave him lunch and then he began fighting with his brother Eli. Everything Eli had or was doing Clayton had to have so he was taking it away from him. After a number of times outs he finally left Eli alone but then he started abusing the cat.

It is taking every ounce of my being to keep myself from screaming at the top of my lungs at him. I don't understand where this behavior is coming from this is not like him and why all of a sudden is he acting out like this? No matter what the reason is it still does not excuse his behavior.

I guess all I can do is pray that God will give me the patience and strength to get through the rest of the day.