Stress

Stress is the number 1 cause of my pain. I have RA and Fibromyalgia and stress in my life makes it worse. This week has been the worst for stress. My grandma collapsed at my house this week and was in the hospital until yesterday. She is now staying with us until Saturday and then will probably come back on Monday because she shouldn't be left alone for any length of time. I love her and love having her with us, it's just created more stress for me than usual. I think I just need to learn some new ways to deal with the stress so that it does not affect me physically. So, what do I do? What can I do to de-stress?

Pondering Thoughts

I'm really feeling as if I'm missing something in my life right now. I'm always so busy with my boys that I'm missing my walk with God. I spend little time with him these days and even my prayer life is beginning to dwindle. I know that I need to make the time to sit down and read the bible and to journal more but time gets away from me and by the end of the day all I want to do is sleep. I think I need to find a devotional that will help me get back on track something that will inspire me to come back to it each day and fill me with the encouragement that I need to get through the day.

I've become very complacent with my health these days too. I had been trying to diet and exercise but I keep coming up against obstacles that are making me think "what's the point". My RA got bad and made it difficult to do most anything, that started getting better and I tore a muscle in my calf that leaves me unable to exercise for 6-8 weeks. I finally get the gumption to start something new and feel good about myself and life throws a wrench in the wheel to destroy my ability to continue.

I know that it is my own lack of self confidence and will power to be able to do this and that is why I think I need to work on my spiritual life. Get back to the basics and that is what I need to do get my life back to where it needs to be, but how do I get there, where do I begin and how do I start.

Out of control child

My oldest son is driving me over the edge today. First off this morning he decided to try in Pee in his pull-up when it was off of him and ended up peeing on the carpet. He is 5 years old, he knows better than that and it was not the way to start off our day. Then after I get back from an appointment I walk in to find him throwing a fit because Grandpa had told him he couldn't do something. I warn him to calm down or he will have to go to his room after the warning he still continued so I sent him to his room. Grandpa had to carry him up to his room and then Clayton proceeded to kick and hit the door and scream at the top of his lungs. So if followed up there and gave him an attitude adjustment across his butt and told him he had to stay in his room for an hour. After that I gave him lunch and then he began fighting with his brother Eli. Everything Eli had or was doing Clayton had to have so he was taking it away from him. After a number of times outs he finally left Eli alone but then he started abusing the cat.

It is taking every ounce of my being to keep myself from screaming at the top of my lungs at him. I don't understand where this behavior is coming from this is not like him and why all of a sudden is he acting out like this? No matter what the reason is it still does not excuse his behavior.

I guess all I can do is pray that God will give me the patience and strength to get through the rest of the day.

Fighting Boys

OK I know summer has just started, but my boys are already driving me nuts. It's really all this fighting. They fight over everything even the throw pillows on the couch. I think they just have to have something to fight over. Why is that? I'm an only child so I don't know what it's like to have a sibling so it hard for me to understand why they want to fight with each other.

I try separating them and giving them different activities but they they fight over which one they want to do and if I give them the same thing to do the fight over something else. What do I do how do I get them to stop fighting and get along with each other?

It Is Well With My Soul

I love that old hymn "It Is Well With My Soul" I had forgotten about it until this past December when I heard Jennifer Rothschild speak at a women's breakfast. She talked about how God gave her that song right after she had learned that she was going blind. It was a song she never learned to play but it was the first song that came to her when she arrived home from the doctors office. It gave her a sense of peace that everything would be OK and that God was in control and he would never leave her. I've really held on to that song since then, it's helped me get through the past 4 months and I'm sure it will be there for me in the years to come. It helps me to know that no matter what happens or comes my way God is always there. We've had some very scary moments just recently and even through those times I prayed earnestly to God to get us through. You know God has always answered my prayers, sometimes it's been a "No" response but usually after that "No" I see that He had another plan that was better than my own.

I feel very blessed to be able to see God working in my life. I couldn't always see him even though he was there. I think I had to learn to look for him. It took time for me to learn that the events happening in my life were all part of God's plan for me and now for my family.

Here is an example... We applied to get our son Clayton into the lab school at ISU, we had heard some things about our home school that made us uneasy so we thought we would try and get him into another school. Well, we got a rejection letter last week. I had prayed and prayed that we would get in, but it didn't happen. So we started looking at private schools, and we found one that we really like however it's going to cost more than we have right now to send him so we decided to pray about it. Is there anything we can cut out of our budget to help with the cost or should I get a part-time job? These and many more questions are in our thoughts and prayers. This afternoon my husband had lunch with some friends who work for a different company in town and they told him that there company is hiring people in his field and they are willing to pay anything for someone with experience. I'm talking more than we imagined we would have in the next 10 years. We are still praying about this, but it could be an answer to our prayers. We would be able to afford the private school and possibly move to a new house next year. It's a big step and we need to weigh all our options, but I think God is placing this before us for a reason now it's time for us to act upon it.

So Many Things

I have got so many things on my mind and I'm not to sure what to do or how to handle everything.
Here is a list:
Eli's upcoming surgery
My RA and deciding a treatment plan
What diet is best and can I really stick to it
Should I take a vitamin supplement
What will the Medications do to me
Choosing a School for Clayton
Will he get into Metcalf
Do we send him to public school or find a private school
Do we home school
Should we move so we can be in a different school
We have so much work to do on this house before we can sell it
Fix Clayton and Eli's bedrooms
Paint the fence
Fix the basement
Fix the playroom walls
MOPS - can we move to a new location and what will my role be
I feel like a horrible friend sometimes because I haven't kept in touch with my friends like I should be.
My mom worries a lot and I do my best to let things go, but sometimes I feel like I'm being bombarded and I hate worrying. I know that God will take care of me I just need to know that I'm on the right path.

My Hearts at Home God Story

On Saturday afternoon I was standing near the ISU Information Booth just trying to help where ever needed when Kelly Hughes came and said “We are short on people in the prayer room would you feel comfortable praying with a mom?” and I said “Yes I can do that.” As she was taking me to the mom in need of prayer I asked God to give me the words this mom needed to hear. Kelly pointed to the mom and I went and sat down with her, she was crying and writing out her prayer request. I glanced over at what she was writing and immediately started to cry myself. She looked at me and I said “I’m just going to cry with you if that’s ok with you, would you like to talk about this before we pray?” She explained to me that her 19month old daughter may have a hearing impairment and how she was blaming herself for not having her hearing checked sooner and that she should have known. She felt responsible for the hearing loss and she just didn’t know what to do next. As I was crying I looked at her and said “I know exactly how you feel, I have been through the same thing with my oldest son.” She then looked at me with shocked eyes and began asking me a ton of questions. After talking a bit I prayed with her and she thanked me and said “I can’t believe God sent you to me. I’ve wanted to come in here all day and I should have come sooner.” And then I told her that she came at the perfect time because I never work in the prayer room and that someone just came and asked me if I could come and pray with you. We both began to cry again as we realized how amazing God really is. After we parted I found Kelly and asked her if she knew what this mom needed prayer for because I just need to confirm that it was really God bring us together and she told me she had no idea and why was I asking so I told her what happened. We hugged and cried and then went on with the rest of our day, but I will never forget how powerful of an experience this was.

This story actually doesn’t end here because God has used it to bless me in another way. I realized that I needed this experience just as much as this mom did. With my recent diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis I was feeling rather down and angry that something else was happening to me and my family. I couldn’t understand why God was allowing this to happen, but now I know that there is a reason and I know that I will get through it. I remembered feeling this same way when we were going through the hearing loss with Clayton, but now I have been able to use that experience to help others. And now with the Rheumatoid I know that God has a plan and it could be that there are others out there who will be able to bless me with their experience and/or someday I will be able to return that same blessing to another mom going through the same thing. God is so amazing!!

I hope that every mom that enters that prayer room leaves with the knowledge of knowing that God has brought them the perfect person to pray with them.

The start of my day

Today probably started off as bad as it could get. My oldest (Clayton) got up and told me he wet his bed so I said "Ok, lets go clean it up and change the sheets." After removing the sheets I heard the baby (Ben) and so I went to go get him up and he had wet through his diaper so I had to change his sheets too, not a big deal it was time to wash sheets anyway. Well then Eli my middle son woke up and as I entered his room I'm hit with the very foul smell of poop. Then I got a good look at him. Yes, he was poopy and it was all over him, his hands, pj's, hair, everywhere. I took him to the bathroom and put him in the shower with my husband and then went back to his room. There I found that it was all over the sheets, wall, curtains, window and 2 Pooh bears. Yes, we had 2 Pooh's with poo on them. Then to top it all off the cat vomited on the floor in the middle of the hallway. Needless to say I've spent the day doing laundry and cleaning a child's bedroom. Luckily I get to go to the Women's Winter Escape tonight at church!! Yeah, I can escape this mess for a little while.